Beach Worthy

I took this photo from “our” beach on Siesta Key, Florida in April 2015. Watching the sunset is a ritual there. We always give thanks for the day that was, as well as the days to follow.

There is something more to watching a sunset these days. These days (and by these days I mean being somewhere that is most likely past Middle Age), sunsets are a metaphor for this stage in life. It’s not a melancholy association, just a reality that life is going WAY TOO FAST…like the final minutes of a sunset.

With that perspective, I recognize that some of my struggles have been my constant companion throughout the journey. Namely: self worth. It is such a complex subject and I have a lot of questions about it. Like this: why is it that I can completely own all of my choices without regret (well, except for one), and yet internally still cringe a little for having made some of them? How can I love my life, like myself, and still have a nagging feeling in my gut of something like embarrassment or guilt?

The frequency with which I am sharing my journey with others is astounding to me. I am constantly sharing the “cliff notes” version of my life, because I am meeting more new people now than at any other time in my life. In the telling, I realize that it’s the milestone moments that get shared, and many of those, for me, are the stuff of country songs.

For instance, take right now:

My dog’s a dyin’

I got no place to live,

I’m always a flyin’

He’s got no love to give.

No wonder I sometimes struggle…right? On the flip side:

I have three wonderful kids,

Who give me joy and love.

A job that’s amazing and fits like a glove.

I have all the time I need to decide where to live

And endless adventures which to myself I give.

The background may be country, but a beautiful symphony is woven through my tapestry. It’s when I look at the sum of my life’s choices that I realize I AM a perfect reflection of God.

So, why would self worth ever be questioned?