You don't have to be a mom to feel disappointment, pain, loneliness, failure, but when those feelings are caused by your kids, they are felt in a completely different way. My very worst Mom-moment came about 3 and 1/2 years ago when I answered the phone at 10:00 at night and I heard one of my children say, "Mom, we're in trouble." Two of my three children were, indeed, in trouble. But for one, it would mean time in prison. Shortly after I hung up the phone that night, I found myself quite literally in a puddle on my bathroom floor. The pain I was feeling was so exquisite...as if inflicted by a surgical tool so sharp that there was no blood. I sobbed. Then, I sobbed some more. At some point during that interminable night, I actually questioned whether or not one could die from crying. But...I didn't die. I found my faith...not the "oh, I have faith" variety, but the "I give this to you, Lord" kind of faith...only this time, I really did.
"Time heals," they say. It may not heal, per se, but it does distance us from pain. In the instant that I gave my son's path to the Lord, I was free to love him unconditionally. It enabled me to share his experiences these past 3+ years, see the purpose of his life in prison, and be more proud of him than I thought possible. Gifts I could not have imagined awaited me...and all I had to do was acknowledge what I always knew...God was in control.
To quote a beautiful Facebook posting by a beloved friend, "sometimes the people with the worst pasts, create the best futures." Aaron's story is unfolding...but so is mine...and so is yours. That is God's design until our last breath. Today, Aaron begins anew. This time is different. This time, we both believe.
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